The Trauma That Broke Me Won't Define Me.
A Choice No One Can Take From Me
I was left on a doorstep.
Grew up facing racism.
I was sexually assaulted by one man and raped by another.
Domestically abused.
I lost a child.
And then a medical mistake took away the life I had built over the past 36 years.
It took some time to get here, but I can now say this…
To the “parents” who left me on a doorstep…
thank you for opening the door to opportunity.
I found a home with loving parents
who weren’t stuck with me. They chose me.
I will be forever grateful to them and the life they’ve given me.
To those who belittled me, called me names, and made squinty eyes at me…
You didn’t break me.
You gave me thick skin
and prepared me for the ignorance that still exists.
To the men who assaulted and raped me…
I no longer carry your shame.
That belongs to you.
I only hope your daughters never have to endure the same hell you put me through.
To the man who emotionally & physically abused me…
I pray for your healing
from all the pain and anger you tried to bury me in.
May you find the strength to stop running from yourself.
To the child I lost…
I will carry you in my heart, always.
I’ve found peace
in knowing you’re with God.
To the doctor who took away the only life I knew…
I’m still angry.
I’m still processing and grieving.
I’m learning how to let go of losing myself,
the life I thought I’d have, and a life I’ll never get back.
…But I’ll get there.
To all the victims out there…
you’ve had enough taken from you.
Don’t let them take anymore of you.
Because trauma isn’t only what happened to us…
it shapes who we become after.
I blamed myself
or was manipulated into believing it was my fault.
Releasing yourself from that burden is not easy.
Trauma affects each of us individually.
We heal at different levels
and within different time frames.
But how you heal makes a difference…
Because there are two types of victims.
The ones who remain trapped inside their trauma.
Who use their pain to justify hurting and manipulating others.
Stuck in a world where they believe they are owed.
And then there are the ones who grow.
They become stronger and better,
as they rebuild what someone else tore down.
I refuse to let my trauma define me.
I stopped seeing myself as a victim…
and started seeing myself as a survivor.
Some of the closest people in my life, I have kept in the dark.
Partly because it became hard for me to trust,
but also because I wasn’t ready to share.
For reasons of guilt, shame, and fear of being seen differently.
I’ve come to realize the power in sharing…
is not only for the survivor,
but for those who are still trying to survive.
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